I would like to welcome you to my last installment on the topics covered in Dr. Gary Chapman’s book,”The 5 Love Languages”.
You can either continue reading today’s blog post or you can choose to listen to an audio version on your favorite podcasting platform or watch it on YouTube.
As Dr. Gay Chapman’s “The 5 Love languages” says, there’s five love languages and it is time for the last one. I am talking about the love language of “Physical Touch”. I was admittedly hesitant when I first heard it. My reason is very much at the heart of the title and the above image. Of course, Dr. Gary Chapman had a different meaning in the chapter on Physical Touch.
Though it is not one of my top two or three love languages, I do see why some people may be sensitive to the idea of calling Physical Touch, a love language. I had suffered some very nasty physical abuse before going to college. The pain and humiliation did not go away, overnight. It took some time before I experienced healing.
Today, I am a very different man and open to good physical touch. It’s a far cry from the days of pain and humiliation. I do agree with what Dr. Chapman pointed out in the chapter of Physical Touch. The pain and humiliation would have gone a whole lot deeper. It’s why I’d suggest going slow with your spouse; especially if she was a victim of physical abuse.
As Dr. Gary correctly pointed out, a good approach is to ask your spouse and let her guide you. Regardless of your situation, communication is definite tool for any good relationship. Keep in mind, one needs to listen and not just talk. Is there a temporal echo in the room? 😉
I realize that the thrust of Dr. Gary Chapman’s book is on building a healthy romantic relationship with your spouse. You can also apply many of the principles to any personal relationship. It’s not limited to a marriage between a man and woman. Since there is no shortage of good blog posts on this topic, I felt that it would be good to share a perspective that may not be covered. I’d be shocked if it isn’t covered.
I’d like to continue on the path that I’ve hinted at, earlier. How do you suppose I overcame the pain and humiliations that I experienced? I realize that not everyone hurts in the same fashion. Yet, my goal is to share how Jesus healed my heart. It may be of help to you. If you want to know the details of what happened then go buy and read my book. It’s in there.
First, it is vital that you or your loved one know this simple truth. You are not alone! At first, I did feel isolated and alone in my pain. Thankfully, I was blessed with college friends who I could talk to. It helped to set the stage for further healing. I have to give thanks to Jesus for arranging such a scenario for me. God knew how important that I be in a community of friends.
Here’s another suggestion that can yield some great results. There are two people that I’d recommend that you definitely talk with. Ever think of talking with God, about it? I’ve spent many hours in God’s Word and in prayers. I can assure you that it does work.
At the same time, you shouldn’t be surprised if the Holy Spirit direct you to a trusted counsellor. It really does help to talk with another human being. In both scenarios, you have to do more than talk. You need to listen and receive what they are saying. It is really up to you.
We are not done, yet. There is the issue of “forgiveness”. I can still recall the night when Jesus helped me in forgiving my abusers. It was not an easy thing and I’m thankful for the help in forgiving those people. It was a few years before I do it. Why is it important that I forgave them?
By forgiving them, I was choosing to let go of the pain and humiliation and opening the door to healing. I am also saying “No” to bitterness and wrath. I was choosing to let it go and leave it in God’s hands. Yes, I choosing to let my Father deal with the issues. I got news for you. I’m not hurting those clowns by holding on to my anger.
Though it is important to forgive others, there is another person that needs forgiveness. Stop beating the crap out of yourself! I do recall the shame and condemnation that came with the incident. It lays dormant in my heart and central to why I named my first book, as I did.
Isn’t it time that you forgave yourself and stop beating the crap out of yourself? We should only take responsibility for what we actually did. Don’t take responsibility for something that isn’t your fault. Jesus didn’t just come to forgive the sins that we committed. Shame and condemnation are like a prison and you are held captive inside it.
Jesus came to set you free from that prison. Here’s what Isaiah says that Jesus would come to do for you and me:
61 “The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me,
Because the Lord has anointed Me
To preach good tidings to the poor;
He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives,
And the opening of the prison to those who are bound;Isaiah 61:1 NKJV
Jesus is the strong man and my condemnation and shame are not greater than Jesus. However, I do need to accept the gift of freedom and learn to walk in it. You don’t have to be a prisoner, anymore. You can ask Jesus to come and set you free and help you. You are not alone!